4 Steps To Follow When Dating After Divorce

"Think about yourself first, who are you now?"

Relationships a very impactful part of everyones life. Romantic relationships especially cause wear and tear on our emotions and feelings. When marriages end it causes a huge relationship change for both people involved and the individuals they surround themselves with. For many exiting divorce it is very hard to enter into the dating world again.

Some people come out of 10, 15, or even 20-year marriages and haven’t dated in years. There is a period after the divorce, that you can’t really rush through. You need to take the time to emotionally heal and grieve the loss. Jumping back into dating too soon can leave you too raw and vulnerable.

Marcia reached out to dating expert Carmelia Ray when entering the dating world. During her first date she began to get asked personal questions that she realized she was not ready for. Marcia ended up having to leave the date due to how vulnerable she felt.

It’s not surprising to at all that Marcia broke down like that on her first date out the gate. When she came back to Carmelia, a year had passed, she was in a way better position to handle the dating process.

When should you start dating again?

Well in some cases these things can take a while, even years – by the time a settlement is reached. We are talking about establishing a co-parenting schedule, the division of assets, and maybe the sale of a property. Typically the default time would be 6 months to 1 year. You need to give yourself enough time to process the change emotionally. The biggest recommendation is starting again with a clean slate.

What are the steps to take when trying to start fresh?

1. Think about yourself first, who are you now? Get comfortable with the new you and own it – and give this new you a profile! Dating yourself is important to get comfortable in your own skin.

2. What are you looking for now? Your needs and wants have changed so you might have to adjust who you are looking for. Learn the lessons from past mistakes and avoid dating similar types who are not good for you.

3. Finances – You’ve already probably dealt with so much, you gotta figure out when to talk about money. Most people are coming out of divorce with either a traumatic experience involving money or maybe they are in a really good position when it comes to finances. No matter what the position, you need to get a sense of where the other person is at. Ask questions that give you insight into the kind of life that they lead. This way you can identify their lifestyle and money habits. Some example questions include, What restaurants do they like? What kind of gifts do they give loved ones? Do they participate in expensive hobbies or interests? What is their attitude about money? Are they frugal or do they like to splurge? 

4 – Co-parenting – I would highly recommend you not only put it on your profile but you make it a priority to talk about right away. Depending on the situation, it can affect your dating schedule. How much time you are willing to put in or can give to this new person and vice versa if they have kids.

Always trust your gut and don’t be afraid to ask qualifying and clarifying questions. Set strong boundaries and don’t compromise on your deal breakers when there’s strong chemistry. You want to make sure you get it right this time!

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