Apr
10

Dr. Karyn Gordon’s putting the spark back in your marriage

Is your love life on the rocks? Dr. Karyn Gordon’s putting the spark back in your marriage. Then, Claire Tansey’s got sizzling suppers that start with a trip to your pantry. Plus, we’re talking dog fashions – and finances. Bruce Sellery has the hidden costs of dog ownership.
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Sexless Marriage Segment:

A “Sexless Marriage” is having sex less than 10 x / per year
10-20% of couples have a sexless marriage
(Source: Best Health)

Having sex a minimum 1 x / week is connected to increase happiness
(Source: University Of Toronto)

Many sex / marriage counsellors often suggest 2-3x / week for couples
(Source: Toronto Star)

Sex promotes the flow of oxytocin - the chemical that promotes the feeling of bonding
(Source: Psychology Today)

 

THE CAUSES:

Kids
Many couples prioritize their kids over their marriage!

Experiencing Unpleasant Emotions
If people experience emotions such as stress / grief / anxiety / depression / insecurity – this can decrease their sex drive

Time Apart
Many people go to bed at different times or have different work schedules (work travel) so are rarely together

Lack Of Emotional Connection
For many women – their sex drive increases with emotional connection - so without this connection their drive decreases

Biological Reasons
Biological reasons such as illness, medication, menopause, age

 

THE SOLUTIONS:

#1: Talk About It Openly
Watch this episode with your spouse! Which one do you connect with?
How are you feeling regarding your sex life? Which category do you connect with?
Both of you want to increase your sex life?
One of you want to increase your sex life?
Both of you are okay with having a sexless marriage? (be really honest with yourself!!)

#3: Problem-Solve

#1 Kids Solution
Prioritize your relationship! Get help from family? Get kids to bed earlier? Set a more realistic goal (1x / 2 weeks)?

#2 Unpleasant Emotions Solution
See a counsellor? Read books? Talk with each other?

#3 Time Solution
Prioritize going to bed at the same time!!!

#4: Lack Of Emotional Connection Solution
Start sharing what happened in your day (highs/ lows) – piggyback it with something physical (walk / jog / car-drive)

#5: Physical Solution
See your family doctor / health care provider AND start with any physical affection (holding hands, kissing, hugs)

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SPRING CLEANING YOUR MONEY 


Where do you start?

Start with a simple system. For example, I have a spacious inbox for all mail, hidden in a cupboard so there is no clutter on the counters, and I deal with it about once a month.  Once the paper is processed it gets shredded or filed.

Everything has a place. Even if it doesn’t find its way to that place immediately.

Inbox – unpaid bills, unread statements
File – Good old filing cabinet.
Fireproof safe – backup hard drive, will.
Safety deposit box in a bank – will, jewelry.

The system is important because it will make it easier to you to keep up to date throughout the year.


What do you need to keep? 

Bills: One year (As long as bill is accurate, can shred sooner).
Tax records: The simple answer is for you to keep your tax return and all the related documents for 6 years from the date you file.
Insurance: Current policies in case you need it.  Shred old ones.
“Upcoming” file: Tax tips, investing tips.

 

How do you get rid of the paper?

Recycling – envelopes
Shredding – anything with identifying information.
Home: Bought a cheap one, it jammed.  Bought a mid-priced one.  But I only shred once a month.  I have a bin it goes into first.
Work: Small amounts you may be able to bring to work.
In-store: Do an online search for in-store shredding.
Fed-ex – $0.79 per pound. Iron Mountain. Or Staples.


How do you reduce the amount of paper coming in, in the first place?

Receipts: Stop asking for them.  This is a personal thing, but I really think about when I take a receipt.  Because I just don’t reconcile them.
ATM withdrawals – no
Gas – no
Clothing, Electronics, Big ticket items – yes
Business receipts - yes

Statements:

Go online or call your institution and move to e-statements, on some things. (But you still need to review your credit card statement and bank statement for fees or transactions you didn’t authorize.)

At tax time, go “find” the e-documents. They won’t just “show up”.

Disclosures/proxy statements:
Go online or call and get taken off the list.

I love the simplicity of paperless, and the environment benefit, but it doesn’t work for everything. I get paper copies of credit card and telecom bills because I want to make sure I go through them in detail.

You are going to get ideas of things to do. Write them down.
Set up an automatic contribution for savings.
Set up online bill payments, if you haven’t already.
Update your will.
Renegotiate home and auto insurance.

 

THE COST OF PET OWNERSHIP


How expensive is it to own a pet?

Can be very expensive: Depends on the type of pet, how fancy the breed, and the pet’s health needs.  Like a human, there are three stages of a pet’s life – beginning, middle, end.

Beginning:
Purchase: Maybe it is a rescue which costs nothing.  Maybe you spent $5,000 on a mini-berne-doodle, named Sparkle.
Vet: Spay or neuter, vaccinations.
I saw one estimate that said the first year for a dog was about $2700 and $1600 for a cat.


What about the cost on an ongoing basis?

Middle:
Food: Basic Kibble or “Surf N’Turf Feline Buffet”.
Care: Daycare/dog-walking/cat sitting.
Vet: Visit and the meds.
Gifts: Beds, toys, harnesses.  Mink Hoodie.  Louie Vuitton pet carrier.

End:
Euthanasia
Cloning: Remember Barbra Streisand had her dog cloned?


How much is too much to spend on a pet?

Two views: My pet is a member of the family – no amount is too much.     Money is finite – money spent on a pet isn’t available for something else.
It is a very personal thing. Some people gasp at how much someone else spends. But you aren’t them.
Money is finite. You are always making trade offs. You spend $10K on your pet and then can’t pay it off so spend another $2k per year to carry that debt.
There are also other costs. Time off work to care for a pet.  Damage to your stuff.


What about pet insurance? Is it worth it?

The role of insurance is protect you in the event of a calamity. House fire, death of a spouse.  Low likelihood, but huge financial consequences.
Pet insurance doesn’t fit that definition. Illness is likely and has limited financial consequences.
I don’t think pet insurance is worth it. For two reasons:  The policies are limited – they don’t cover everything.  And they are expensive.
If there are pre-existing conditions, coverage can be denied. That said, sometimes it is about piece of mind. And that can be worth everything.

 

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