I come from some pretty good dysfunction. I struggled with a challenging childhood, difficulty with relationships… but interestingly enough, no real difficulty manifesting a pretty great career as a broadcaster with over 4 decades on radio and TV as a producer and on-air host. In my personal life, I was a hot mess but where I had clarity about what I wanted was when it came to being successful. I recognized in therapy that my thoughts had a lot of power and I began researching human behaviour; studying with the likes of Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer. Through this I learned that the thoughts I was focused on were actually keeping happiness away. I began to shift my focus from all the things I thought I didn’t have and learned to appreciate everything – which was the pivot point, or the shift, for me. Over time I felt differently about my life and I began to see different results. I’ve been building on that over the last few decades and now it’s a great pleasure for me to help people, especially women, unlearn what they think they know to be true about their lives so they too can see their potential.
What are some of the concepts you teach around happiness?
The concept of appreciation is key because in our society, we (especially women) are conditioned — I say conned — into thinking we don’t have enough, we aren’t enough and we can’t do enough. When we start to manage those mistaken ideas and see that we are enough + learn to appreciate what we already have instead of always looking outside of ourselves, we begin to feel better about ourselves. When we grow to appreciate that other people want to help us and open ourselves to receiving support, it’s game changing. I teach courage because I believe it’s a superpower we all have but don’t celebrate as fear truly is a dominant force in society. Don’t get me wrong, fear can be helpful when it comes to keeping us safe; but it can also prevent us from living our best life. I encourage people to be kind and compassionate toward themselves and others instead of always judging. Our default is to judge – though if we want others to be kind and compassionate toward us, that’s where we need to focus our thoughts.
You believe we need a different conversation around aging and you talk about the fine art of aging gratefully. What does that mean?
We’ve been conditioned into thinking that getting older is either a curse or some kind of punishment, when aging is a gift not given to everyone. It’s actually a privilege – but our society doesn’t encourage us, especially women, to see if that way. We’re all about anti-aging if you look at the millions of products marketed to women. I believe we should stand for what we’re for; not what we’re against. When we talk about anti-aging, we’re still talking about aging. I colour my hair. It makes me feel good, and I think the conversations we have with ourselves are the pivot point for change. You’ll hear people say “I have a bad leg or a bad arm…” Well, what can you do for yourself? How can you get support to help you feel better?
Then the conversations we have with others and how we speak about ourselves. We all have so much more to offer; we are more than the jobs we do or did. Many of us are reinventing ourselves after a full career. We’re living longer and many of us have to work… also, many of us love to work. So, it’s about shifting the focus of our thoughts on to something that’s going to make us feel good; and appreciation for what we have is a great starting point.
Feeling a little down about getting older? I get it. Do something for someone else, use your gifts in some way to make a difference for someone and I guarantee you will feel better about yourself. Whether it’s volunteering or just holding space without an agenda for someone else to talk. By the way, these ideas apply to all of us regardless of our age. Remember that women are the leaders in our world and when we get this and start to unleash our super powers, our children, grandchildren, our partners and friends are all inspired by our courage.
What are the top tips you would give us to help shift the conversation around aging?
1- When you wake up in the morning remind yourself that this is going to be a great day (brain scientists say it forces our subconscious mind to go looking for reasons why)
2- List three things you’re grateful for when you wake up + just before you go to sleep look for three things that went well that day.
3- Edit your friends list. Stick with people who get you and who want to see you shine bright. Have healthy boundaries with everybody else.
4 – Stay connected with people in whatever way works for you. It could be starting a small business, mentoring or consulting.
Especially after retirement, our world can get quite small. Hobbies, clubs and groups all keep us expanding our world. We are made for connection, not isolation – and it’s our responsibility to figure out what works for us.